Monday, July 8, 2013

I'm Sorry

I'm sorry
By: Arianna Gutierrez

 I'm sorry that I can't love you the way you want me to
I'm banging on my walls
 Till my fingers bleed
Trying to break them down and let you in
 And still I'm too guarded

I know that I am bad for you
That all I bring is pain
Its because of me that others hurt you
And that kills me

 I'm sorry I'm so clumsy
Always crashing in to you
And falling all over you
I bet your sick of it
I can be so annoying sometimes

 And sometimes I don't know what to say
So I say something stupid
Or nothing at all
 And even though I say them all the time;
"Yeah" and "ok" don't even come close to expressing my feelings for you

And sometimes I think, "Maybe you would be better off with out me"
There'd be no reason left for people to hurt you
You'd have no more worries

Maybe if I was strong enough I could protect you
Or at least I could be strong enough to let you go
But I can't

 So I will do everything in my power to be there
Always be your shoulder to cry on
Listen when you talk
Hold you close and whisper in your ear that everything is gonna be fine

 And I'm sorry that you didn't get better
But I guess I'll have to do


Saturday, June 15, 2013

This was the year

Here is another poem I wrote, hope you enjoy it. I'm officially making this my poetry blog so I'll try to post more often but I can't really control how long it takes to write a poem.

"This was the year" by Arianna Gutierrez
This was the year:
 The year that everything changed
Where I would wake up in the night to the screams of my mother
Scars on my lips from biting back tears
The year I learned to embrace the suck
No matter how much it sucked
And that words are only words
And “pig” and “slut” would not define me
This was the year I was stripped of my innocence
And thrust into a new world of pain
But I had to swallow my hurt and be the shoulder that others would cry on
But how can I heal someone else when I lay broken?
And all of my words fell on deaf ears
And it was all too much
And I wanted to make them feel my hurt
Wanted to claw and hit and scratch and tear
And everywhere I was, I was entirely alone
In the middle of a crowd of loving people and I was alone
Because I was blind
This was the year that love stared me square in the face
And told me I was beautiful
When I most needed to hear it
And loving friends picked me up off the sidewalk and pieced me back together with threads of hope
This was the year I learned to laugh again
The real kind of laugh that makes your sides hurt but in a good way
This was the year I tasted the grown up world and got drunk from it
And learned how wonderful and mysterious and thrilling it can be
This was the year that I look back on my childhood
And longed for the simplicity of it all
and this was the year that everything got better
And everything was ok again
And I finally found myself

Saturday, May 26, 2012

how i feel


the ache i feel i can not describe, its like somethimg is broken, something is missing. i feel hollow. i feel sad but at the same time i'm not. i feel sick, nautious. but at the same time i still feel okay.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Who I Am

here's a little poem I wrote:

Who I Am

I hide behind a painted mask,
 And wear another’s clothes.
I speak another’s words,
And am forced to hide emotion from unjust eyes.

My face is a mirror,
Reflecting the person you want me to be.
I act as a meager shadow,
Merely imitating what others do.
My insecure self, buried in the depths of the character I play,
The image of a person I have built up to be me,
The person you think me to be.
While I hide behind another’s face.

But no more.

I peel back my disguise,
And expose the raw essence of my true self.
This is who I am,
Always was,
And always will be.
It can never be altered.
Not by you, nor even I.
And no one can ever change that.

So let the light of my soul be seen,
A glowing aura seeping out of my skin.
Let the truth in my voice be heard,
It may surprise you,
It may disturb you,
For it is not what you expect from me.
Breathe in my enduring aroma,
Let it engulf you;
Immerse itself in your senses.

Because I have realized that I must accept myself as I am,
And show the world the girl who has been buried inside.
The girl who broke through the imprisonment that she was put in,
And reclaimed control over herself. 
For I will always be that girl, 
The person I thought that no one wanted me to be,
The one who was forgotten.
Resurfacing from a blurry misconception.
To be the person I truly am,
To be me.