I'm Sorry

I'm sorry

By: Arianna Gutierrez

 I'm sorry that I can't love you the way you want me to
I'm banging on my walls
 Till my fingers bleed

Trying to break them down and let you in
 And still I'm too guarded

I know that I am bad for you
That all I bring is pain
Its because of me that others hurt you

And that kills me

 I'm sorry I'm so clumsy
Always crashing in to you
And falling all over you

I bet your sick of it

I can be so annoying sometimes

 And sometimes I don't know what to say
So I say something stupid
Or nothing at all
 And even though I say them all the time;
"Yeah" and "ok" don't even come close to expressing my feelings for you

And sometimes I think, "Maybe you would be better off with out me"
There'd be no reason left for people to hurt you
You'd have no more worries

Maybe if I was strong enough I could protect you
Or at least I could be strong enough to let you go
But I can't

 So I will do everything in my power to be there
Always be your shoulder to cry on
Listen when you talk
Hold you close and whisper in your ear that everything is gonna be fine

 And I'm sorry that you didn't get better
But I guess I'll have to do

 

This was the year

Here is another poem I wrote, hope you enjoy it. I'm officially making this my poetry blog so I'll try to post more often but I can't really control how long it takes to write a poem.

"This was the year" by Arianna Gutierrez

 

This was the year:

 The year that everything changed

Where I would wake up in the night to the screams of my mother

Scars on my lips from biting back tears

The year I learned to embrace the suck

No matter how much it sucked

And that words are only words

And “pig” and “slut” would not define me

This was the year I was stripped of my innocence

And thrust into a new world of pain

But I had to swallow my hurt and be the shoulder that others would cry on

But how can I heal someone else when I lay broken?

And all of my words fell on deaf ears

And it was all too much

And I wanted to make them feel my hurt

Wanted to claw and hit and scratch and tear

And everywhere I was, I was entirely alone

In the middle of a crowd of loving people and I was alone

Because I was blind

This was the year that love stared me square in the face

And told me I was beautiful

When I most needed to hear it

And loving friends picked me up off the sidewalk and pieced me back together with threads of hope

This was the year I learned to laugh again

The real kind of laugh that makes your sides hurt but in a good way

This was the year I tasted the grown up world and got drunk from it

And learned how wonderful and mysterious and thrilling it can be

This was the year that I look back on my childhood

And longed for the simplicity of it all
and this was the year that everything got better

And everything was ok again

And I finally found myself

how i feel

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRMIFzITrCI&feature=relmfu

Today

the ache i feel i can not describe, its like somethimg is broken, something is missing. i feel hollow. i feel sad but at the same time i'm not. i feel sick, nautious. but at the same time i still feel okay.

Who I Am

here's a little poem I wrote:

Who I Am

I hide behind a painted mask,

 And wear another’s clothes.

I speak another’s words,

And am forced to hide emotion from unjust eyes.

My face is a mirror,

Reflecting the person you want me to be.

I act as a meager shadow,

Merely imitating what others do.

My insecure self, buried in the depths of the character I play,

The image of a person I have built up to be me,

The person you think me to be.

While I hide behind another’s face.

But no more.

I peel back my disguise,

And expose the raw essence of my true self.

This is who I am,

Always was,

And always will be.

It can never be altered.

Not by you, nor even I.

And no one can ever change that.

So let the light of my soul be seen,

A glowing aura seeping out of my skin.

Let the truth in my voice be heard,

It may surprise you,

It may disturb you,

For it is not what you expect from me.

Breathe in my enduring aroma,

Let it engulf you;

Immerse itself in your senses.

Because I have realized that I must accept myself as I am,

And show the world the girl who has been buried inside.

The girl who broke through the imprisonment that she was put in,

And reclaimed control over herself. 

For I will always be that girl, 

The person I thought that no one wanted me to be,

The one who was forgotten.

Resurfacing from a blurry misconception.

To be the person I truly am,

To be me.

The Lonely by Christina Perri

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO4e4nCYBEo&feature=branded